The main thing I unwillingly acquired in 2009 was commitment issues. I can’t even take the cart at the grocery store, anymore. You know why? Too much commitment!
I think someone thought it would be a hillarious idea to have me face my fear in 2010 by giving me the gift of Charlie….the poodle.
I’ve been saying forever that if I ever get a dog, Its gonna be a big one. A true companion that could pull me around on roller skates. Not Charlie….the poodle.
Shes cute though, i guess. She does those cute things that people seem to love. She licks faces, whimpers for attention, falls asleep looking like a wad of cotton, ect. Dog shit, you know.
She also chews on my hair when I’m sleeping, looooves M&M’s, shits on things she hates, trys to eat all of my sewing supplies, and can’t stand going for walks. ugh.
I named her Charlie and now get to deal with people telling me on a daily basis, the sex of my dog. Who cares about if shes a female or a male?! Its not like I’m trying to get it into bed. I thought it would be wise to name something in my life after someone I love. Or in this case, three people I’ve loved consistently since childhood:
She was sprung on me pretty suddenly, and I didn’t really have time in my life to make dinner let alone make sure that this Swiffer attachment doesn’t try to kill herself 24 hours a day. I watch a lot of The Dog Whisperer nowadays to try and understand what the fuck that thing is thinking. She takes well to training, so far. Perhaps because I don’t treat her like a puppy or a baby. Just a friend who’s kind of young and retarded.
“jew muss be the leader of jour pack” as Cesar would say.
Besides, its not like she’s the first friend I’ve had who’s got long dirty hair, pisses in public, smells kind of off, doesn’t speak much, and never looks amused.