Posts Tagged ‘dog’

How Long, Chocolate Death Dog?

November 6, 2010

I was pretty sure I learned everything there was to know about chocolate and dogs after my chiuhauha had once licked a Milky Way bar and my ex decided to google “how long chocolate death dog?”. The dog was fine and the google term became a running joke often repeated in a super hero voice.

Turns out the legitimate answer to how long it takes before chocolate can start to really kill a dog, is around 6 hours. Thats how long it takes for the caffeine in chocolate to fully absorb into your pups bloodstream and raise its heart rate to the point of  inducing a seizure or making it pump at such an accelerated pace, that it just gives out. The darker the chocolate, the more the caffeine percentage, the more likely the outcome.

What the hell, Charlie? You can protect me from the undead but can’t handle a little bit of candy?!

Why do I know about it this time around? My room mate left an ounce of 70% dark chocolate out for Charlie while I was out, yesterday. When I came home she was really hyper and alert. Just tweakin out! My room mate kept saying they should pump her stomach or feed her hydrogen peroxide. I thought she was nuts but apparently both are theories that work. Only when caught almost immediately after the dog ingests, though.

The emergency vet told me that her heart rate was over twice of what it should be. Indicating that the caffeine had already set in, making it too late to pump her little stomach. The only thing they could do at that point, is pump her full of water and charcoal in order to filter the toxins through her kidneys. Basically the same regimen that our household gives ourselves after a night of hard drinking. Something I went to after I saw the vet bill.

So heres what I’ve learned of what to do when you’ve poisoned your dog:

  • Do not waste your time calling poison control. They don’t deal with animals.
  • Don’t waste your time calling the ASPCA hotline. The try to charge you $65 dollars for advice, which in these cases, is always “take your pet to the vet”
  • If you’re dog ate milk chocolate, I wouldn’t panic too much because of the low cacao percentage.
  • If you’re dog ate dark chocolate, I’d suggest a quiet panic, as to not excite the canine any more.
  • If you’re dog eats it within an hour or so, try force feeding it peroxide to induce puking. (1 tsp for smaller dogs, 2 tsp for larger dogs)
  • According to this article, my toy poodle would have been able to digest charcoal pills. In retrospect, I should have given her a charcoal pill while continuously force feeding her water for 24 hours. I may have still be able to pay my rent next month, if I had known.

Luckily, she’s alright and I get to pick her up from the hospital soon enough to be able to watch Saturday Night Live together.

Muddled (87/365)

March 1, 2010

The other day, as the snow melted, and I took the dog for her usual walk around the block, she did that thing that everyone is guilty of. She leaped right into a huge murkey puddle that she had mistaken for solid ground.

Poor pup

Mixed Company (78/365)

February 19, 2010

The other day I got to spend some time with Justin and Lucy. Played video games with Justin and “Please don’t accidently take off my finger in this game of tug-o-war” with Lucy.

Justin knew I was feeling a bit down recently and made me a mix before I left. Needless to say, he lifted my sprits and warmed my little ole’ heart which probably smelt like rotting gruyere cheese beforehand.

Heres what was on it:

1. the knife – pass this on
2. fever ray – when i grow up
3. dangermouse and sparklehorse – little girl (featuring julian casablancas)
4. rainer maria – tinfoil
5. jawbox – savory
6. alkaline trio – this could be love
7. pinback – penelope
8. reverie sound revue – you don’t exist if i don’t see you
9. camera obscura – happy new year
10. dinosaur jr. – feel the pain
11. dave rawlings machine – sweet tooth

Doin’ It On My Limbs (73/365)

February 13, 2010

Yesterday  my dog learned how to hump. Its the sneakiest dog move ever. It always takes me a second to realize when it’s happening.  “awe she’s hugging my leg….wow she’s really got a gri….HEY! NO!”

A Letter To A Dog (61/365)

January 31, 2010

Dear Charlie,

I was pretty skeptical of our friendship at first, but after learning about our joint love for meat, Iron Maiden, comfy beds, and looking mangey even when we’re clean, I think we’re going to get along just fine.

The fact that you like hanging out in my purse and you’re pretty easy to train, are just the Cool Whip to my Jello pudding.

I love you….I guess.

Your friend,


Uuuullll Uuuullll (56/365)

January 26, 2010

This makeshift barrier was made to keep Charlie away from the side of the house that was covered in floor cleaner. Although she proved that she was more than able to hurdle over my row of suitcases and lighting trunks (toy poodles were originally bred to be side show and circus pets, after all) she gratiously listened to my command and stayed put with just  little bit of “uuuulll uuuullll” noises.

My Friend Charlie

January 19, 2010

The main thing I unwillingly acquired in 2009 was commitment issues. I can’t even take the cart at the grocery store, anymore. You know why? Too much commitment!

I think someone thought it would be a hillarious idea to have me face my fear in 2010 by giving me the gift of Charlie….the poodle.

I’ve been saying forever that if I ever get a dog, Its gonna be a big one. A true companion that could pull me around on roller skates. Not Charlie….the poodle.

Shes cute though, i guess. She does those cute things that people seem to love. She licks faces, whimpers for attention, falls asleep looking like a wad of cotton, ect. Dog shit, you know.

She also chews on my hair when I’m sleeping, looooves M&M’s, shits on things she hates, trys to eat all of my sewing supplies, and can’t stand going for walks. ugh.

I named her Charlie and now get to deal with people telling me on a daily basis, the sex of my dog. Who cares about if shes a female or a male?! Its not like I’m trying to get it into bed. I thought it would be wise to name something in my life after someone I love. Or in this case, three people I’ve loved consistently since childhood:

She was sprung on me pretty suddenly, and I didn’t really have time in my life to make dinner let alone make sure that this Swiffer attachment doesn’t try to kill herself 24 hours a day. I watch a lot of The Dog Whisperer nowadays to try and understand what the fuck that thing is thinking. She takes well to training, so far. Perhaps because I don’t treat her like a puppy or a baby. Just a friend who’s kind of young and retarded.

“jew muss be the leader of jour pack” as  Cesar would say.

Besides, its not like she’s the first friend I’ve had who’s got long dirty hair, pisses in public, smells kind of off, doesn’t speak much, and never looks amused.

Obey (43/365)

January 14, 2010

The Cute (38/365)

January 8, 2010