Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Yo Mama Has a Glass Eye With a Fish In It

May 10, 2009

abortmissionHappy Mothers Day!

picture source

  • Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
  • Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the drivewayYo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans
  • Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo
  • Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed
  • Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
  • Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth


Some good examples of bad parenting:


Love Life. Make Lists.

May 8, 2009


Life can be really dark. It doesn’t help that Mercury is in retrograde!

Although I pay no attention to the nonsense of astrology, I do notice that life goes more and more haywire around me, every time this happens. Its hard to cope, but thanks to friends and the influence of ‘list making’ from self help magazines targeted towards middle aged women with OCD and slight weight issues, I’ve accumulated a little list of the things that keep me smiling:

  • An mp3 of my friend rapping/ butchering Artist Rendering of Me by Poison the Well, made to make me laugh.
  • Renaming girly sounding named things for guys. (Belly button is now called a manly nook.)
  • The David Lee Roth soundboard never stops being funny.
  • Texting someone when something makes me think of them at no matter what hour, just to let them know that someone is thinking of them. 
  • Washing my hair everyday
  • Learning magic tricks for a dollar from crazy old homeless men.
  • Seeing Bettina and Insectavora in the Pretty Things Peep Show 
  • Drinking water with a straw. (This works well when people want to meet up at bars and I just want to see my friends without boozing. As long as there is a drink in your hand at a bar, people still talk to you with the assumption that you are on the same level as them.)
  • Making an archive of everything digital for the month of April, and putting all of the iPhone photos from that month into a collage.
  • Hearing funny stories of work seminars from my closest friend who runs a porn shop. 
  • Continuing to try a new tea every week at Subtletea. (Chinese Lover’s Dream Green Tea tastes just like gummy bears)
  • My waitress at Egg buying me lunch because she felt bad that they were out of my french toast.
  • Making a Django Reinhardt day. (This consists of drinking ice tea, listening to the Djangology record, playing Bioshock, and watching Sweet and Lowdown.)
  • Getting a free triple chocolate vegan brownie from a friend at Penny Licks
  • Drinking coffee and people watching on Bedford Ave on a Saturday night. (Its like encountering a Larry Clark character, in everyday life. Gross and uncomfortably amusing.)
  • Making sure to always find time (and a little gift) when someone is in from out of town.
  • Ice Cream parties at Serendipity
  • Smiling when writing emails and answering my phone. Even when I’m upset. People notice a smile even when they can’t see it.
  • Hand sewing an already assembled clothing item. (Even when it doesn’t need to be stitched up, sewing by hand just always makes something feel more personal.)
  • Eating complex Mac n’ Cheese at S’mac after a bad day, with this squeakier.
  • Teaching myself how to draw with calligraphy pens, every night.
  • The song Baby Raper by Gwar
  • Choosing a recipe from a cooking book at random and making it.




Better Off Ted

April 25, 2009


dd-goodmanontv18_0499915463I usually don’t care for television shows. I was so distanced from sitcoms for so long on tour, that when I got back into trying to watch TV, there was shows like Arrested Development and The Office, which took me a while to understand the style of. 

(I still don’t get all the hoopla about The Office) 


I DO however like 30 Rock, and enjoyed Andy Richter Controls the Universe. Better Off Ted reminds me of both of these shows a little. Its crisp and witty. Filled with visual punch lines and cynicaly upbeat characters.

I’m really hoping that this show is a sucessful comedy for ABC, since they tend to do pretty poorly with those…



“Money before people. It’s engraved right there in the lobby floor. It just looks more heroic in Latin.” -Veronica