A Date With My Cousin

Tina Fey
photo by Ruven Afanador

“ But to even things out, here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went onto Clown College. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom would turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment, like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a Country Steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn’t leave until I finished my last plate of shrimp. A couple of months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow…I am a mess. There is an 80% chance that in the next election I will tell all my friends I am voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here’s one, when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today. „

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock episode 118 “Fireworks”

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8 Responses to “A Date With My Cousin”

  1. Laura Says:

    I remember that episode. Hahahaha, the funniest one is when they dhow what the world looks like to Tracy & Kenneth. Hilarious. I can’t wait for it to come back on.

  2. Booth83 Says:

    …………..thats just stuff I didnt need to know, and you got turned down by two guys that when onto clown collage! thats bad

  3. JC Says:

    Didn’t she tell that story while on her first date with that dude?
    I don’t remember it in its entirety except the part about her pooping the pants and continuing to eat. That part stuck with me because I got the distinct impression it was a real life event that had very likely happened to Tina Fey or somebody else she’s known.

  4. ! Says:

    speaking of good things to watch.
    i just saw “freaked” 1994 directed by the “bill and teds” guy the one that looks like the lead singer from “green day”.

    man that was great it had me rolling on the floor with laughter.
    it was joke after joke after joke. the jokes never stop .
    i had a big smile while watching the whole thing.the creature costumes where amazing also. i love the creature costumes.

    the creatures are: a worm, wolf guy, sock puppet guy,a hammer(that one is really funny) a bearded lady, a cow man, two walking jamaican eyeballs, a big nosed man and a huge troll.
    its pg 13 but dont let that discourage you from watching!

    if you have not seen it,please watch it.
    i think you will like it alot.

    have you seen it?

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