Why You Shouldn’t Let Andrew W.K. Hit On You

Question:
Andrew, my friend told me you hit on her at a bar in NYC. Her name was Leslie and she said you smelled really bad. Is this true?

asked by dillweed on Saturday, April 3, 2004

Answer:
Dear Dillweed, You’re right, I did hit on her. I hit on her all night until she was bloody and smashed beyond recognition. Right when I got into the bar I walked right up to her and hit her right on the head and then I hit her in the stomach and smashed a beer bottle in her teeth and then I hit her elbows together so that they cracked and splintered. But that was only the very begining – I put on some construction gloves and grabbed her face and crunched it as I hard as I could so that the skin got all torn and scraped off – then I took a chair and put the leg of the chair on her stomach and then jumped on top of it so that it impaled her through the guts. I then got a brick in one hand and a hammer in the other and started hitting her in the face again and again and again. I was pretty exhausted after all that and I was dripping with sweat – that’s probably why she said I smelled bad. It was a hard time.

Your friend, Andrew W.K.